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bryan. kansas. eighteen. still single. this is going to be a blog of relationships, or lack there of, male models, runway from time to time, my struggle with online gaming, low self-esteem, helpful advice, sporadic musical interest and all with coffee aftertaste. a cliché introduction.
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Today is the one year anniversary of when I came out. Well, I saw Lady Gaga last year today, and it was technically 3 AM on the 4th when I wrote my mom the letter, but ..

Yeah. My mom just posted on my facebook wall about it and I wasn’t even paying attention. Now I’m all teary and emotional.

She kissed me and told me she loved me before she left.

I hate myself for expecting the worst.

I couldn’t have asked for a better mother.

She came in and told me she had soup, and when she looked at me she hugged me and started crying.

She said that she couldn’t have asked for a better son, and that she was grateful that I could talk to her.

And she said she was glad that I’m not a psycho drug user that she has to lock up.

Thank God.

My mom brought up this guy Logan.

She said he started there three weeks ago, but they just met. He was going to go to Lady Gaga last night also but had to sell his tickets. He’s gay, and 18. My mom said he’s nice, and really cute.

..

what are you doing mom.

I don’t know what to title these anymore, but I should start tagging these things.

She asked why I was apologizing for not being straight, because that’s the way that God made me. She said I shouldn’t worry about what other’s thought of me.

I kept thanking for for being so understanding of everything, because I spent years expecting the worst possible outcome (which, to me, was being thrown out and denied any college funding for a future). I told her that I know I shouldn’t worry, but in today’s society I’m not generally accepted.

(Even though progress is already happening, I understand, but .. yeah.)

I’m sorry for spamming your Dashboards with this.

I told her that I didn’t have a significant other, and I didn’t think there would be one until I was able to tell my dad and my sister Courtney.

She said that she had already talked to my dad, which is fine by me, I suppose, and that he was okay.

And then I apologized for not being heterosexual.

..

What am I even doing.

I don’t even know how to react to all of this now.

I’m not doing anything but laughing hysterically and shaking, and I don’t know if this is the four hours of sleep or what.

She texted me again again and said that she was blessed to have an awesome, caring son like me and that I felt safe to talk to her. Then she asked if I had a significant other that she needed to meet.

Is this a typical reaction to ask if I’m dating someone or .. ?

I’m shaking.

My mom read the letter.

She texted me, asking if I was awake, and I had said yes. She asked if I was okay, and I wasn’t sure why so I asked her if she had read the letter I left for her.

She said she was emotional, but she’s okay. She said she loves me no matter what, like she said.

I don’t even know how to react. Every fiber of my being is shaking right now, and I don’t know if this is a positive or a negative reaction.

Lady Gaga and tumblr was the only reason I did that.

Though that may sound cheesy, I couldn’t have done that by myself.

Thank you, everyone.

I wish I could have thanked her.

If the ten people who left me Messages don’t mind, I’m going to save them and not publish them.

Thank you all, though, for supporting me. It really does mean a lot to me.